I have spoken about my tendencies to try to do everything just right. About not wanting to let anyone down. About thinking if I was a good enough girl that all things would go well for everyone.
Have you ever had the sick fantasy about really (and I mean REALLY) screwing up just to get it over with? Just to know that life, indeed, does go on. Just to know what it really feels like not to try to carry your world on your shoulders anymore. Just to know that you can't possibly disappoint people any more than you already have. I wonder if I'd stop holding my breath and striving to make the best (not just good) decisions all the time.
You need to graduate college. You need to work hard at a "big girl job". Your credit score should be at least 750. Save more than you spend. Make sure to evangelize the good word of Dave Ramsey. Your children must be well behaved, all.the.time. They must be intelligent and good-looking (and of course, this must be true of you, too). You must be skinny, but not too. Cook with organic ingredients, all while spending less than $50 a week for a family of 4. While I, of course, do not do all of these things…I do feel these pressures.
Screwing up. This is both my biggest fear and my biggest fantasy. Sometimes, I wonder what it is like to live in that liberation. I once heard that the most perfect freedom would be if we each had our biggest sin and mistakes revealed publicly to the world…what more is there to fear?
It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.