the afternoon of Twig1's birth
I was exhausted from the prodromal labor I had been experiencing, which is basically weeks on end of "pre-labor" or "practice contractions". It was frustrating me, because while my contractions were consistently 3 minutes apart for hours on end…they were not "real" contractions. But, they were real enough to keep me awake when I was supposed to be sleeping and make me crazy during the days.
Husband can attest to the fact that I thought of nothing else for those 2+ weeks. It turned out, even my doctor was fooled. After an appointment where I had dilated pretty significantly for a first child, we had some news. She suggested that if we wanted family present when little man arrived, we should have them start driving. I was 37.5 weeks pregnant. The family jumped in the car and started the trek from Indiana to North Carolina.
And, they sat. For a week. And stared at me. For a week. Sure, we did some fun things…but mostly my husband and mom marched me around town. Walking, walking, walking that baby out of me. I was so frustrated that I was a just ticking time bomb, a bomb that had no control over the moment of impact.
The people I loved were just waiting for me to do something all week. I finally gave up being worried about it the day before they were supposed to leave to go back to Indiana. "Well, I guess, at least you guys got a little vacation! You can come back after he's born. That's better anyway."
As these sorts of stories go…little man had other plans. I woke up on Friday morning (family was to leave Saturday after breakfast) feeling quieter. I was a little more inwardly focused, and just simply worn out. I figured it was because I hadn't been sleeping well.
Husband and his Dad spent the day about an hour away golfing. My Mom, Mother-in-Law, and I went to my favorite lakeside restaurant for lunch (the picture above is from that day) and then back home to our apartment so they could prepare their things to leave. I laid down to take a nap, and when I woke up my mom said I looked different. I had noticed some slightly stronger contractions and decided to get in the shower to rest.
After I got out, it was about 6pm and I called Husband (who was on his way home from golfing) and said we needed to go to the hospital. His response, "Okay, great…let's get some pizza and then head down." That is NOT what I was thinking (nor were our Moms). Husband quickly got the picture and hustled home.
We grabbed our things and headed out the door as soon as he got home. We, thankfully, narrowly missed most of the rush hour traffic and arrived at the hospital at about 7pm. I got admitted and the family got settled in our room. I immediately started feeling stronger contractions that were getting quite close together. The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural, and I declined as I was only about 4-5 centimeters at the time. I figured I wanted to experience a little labor first, and then I'd get the epidural. That was the worst decision I made all day…all pregnancy! :)
Everything is fuzzy time-wise after that point…I'm sure all moms have that moment in labor…but, I know that our parents left the room for dinner. Immediately after they left the room, my water broke and that's when things got hazy for me. The contractions came one on top of the other, and I begged for the epidural. I wouldn't let anyone touch me, and I was blinded by the pain. The nurse checked me and I was all the sudden at 7 cm. Unfortunately for me, the anesthesiologist was in an emergency c-section and couldn't administer the epidural.
So, I labored on. Fear overcame me as I couldn't get on top of the contractions. I hadn't learned any natural birthing techniques as I was never passionately anti-epidural. I was in white-hot pain, and the world around me was dim and muffled. Husband reported later that I was holding onto the handles and writhing around on the bed and making noises he had never heard in nature. I'm graceful like that.
A while after 8pm they checked me and I was at 9 cm. At about 9pm, the anesthesiologist was finished and I got the epidural. I never felt such relief in my life. However, now, I was nearly complete and ready to push. Unfortunately (again!), now that I was 10 cm, I couldn't feel ANYTHING to push. I had to wait while my epidural wore off a bit…which was again a strange moment of people (the doctor) sitting and staring at me waiting for my body to do something I couldn't force. Finally I got tired of waiting, so I pretended I could feel the contractions so I could just do something. Not so bright, hard to push a kid out when you can't feel your body. So, I pushed for about an hour and a half (much longer than necessary because I couldn't feel anything!) before little man decided to join us at 11pm on the dot.
My body was in complete shock, and I don't think my mind could comprehend what had happened. I had felt so completely out of control and I was dazed. I thought my first baby was going to take forever–but it was only 4 hours after our arrival at the hospital…5 from the onset of real contractions. It seems like my prodromal labor really was doing something, but as Twig2's birth would prove, my body doesn't really get going until after my water breaks.
an internet appropriate shot immediately after little man was born
sweet baby boy on our first day home
I was overcome with love for this little man. It almost scared me how strong my emotions for him were. I cherished the new little family we had created–and loved getting to intimately know the little details of my sweet little guy.
My transition home was hard, because my recovery was fairly significant. I remember telling Husband how horrible it was that no one tells women how hard recovery from childbirth is. I felt like it was a complete indignity that labor and delivery would cause so much pain…and then when you think it's all over, you get to be in pain for another 12 weeks. AND, there is another person to take care of day and night. I know this is not typical for everyone, but it was my experience.
Slowly but surely, I recovered physically and emotionally from such a fast and furious first baby. And then, almost exactly two years later…I did it again!