After the wedding, pretty soon you have the job of being a new wife. Let’s face it, adjusting to married life can be hard. Suddenly you’re thrust into the role of “wife” and you want to be good at it. I know because I’ve been there. I married my husband two years ago at the ripe old age of 21. People thought we were a little young and we were, but we knew it was the right time for us. Our engagement, wedding day and honeymoon was a whirlwind of bliss. Then we came back and real life stared us in the face. We loved being married, but that doesn’t mean everything was always coming up roses. Learning to be a wife was a wonderful and challenging adjustment. Here’s a some simple things I learned along the way…
1. Let go of your expectations
This has been the single most important thing we implemented early on. We chose not to have any expectations of each other besides the obvious, being faithful, putting Christ first, etc. Most of the time we don’t even realize that we expect certain things from our spouse. A lot of that has to do with how we were raised and our own family dynamics. Forget about how your family always did things. You are making a new family. At my house, my dad always made coffee in the morning for everyone. My husband doesn’t even like coffee, so obviously I didn’t expect him to do that for me. Whenever I start to become unhappy with something he did or didn’t do, I stop and think about weather this is an underlying expectation that I haven’t gotten rid of. He’s new at this husband thing, so let him grow into it just as you are growing as a wife.
2. Don’t listen to what people say
Most people tell you all the bad things about marriage and leave out the good. I can’t tell you how many horror stories I heard before I got married. I even had a woman try to talk me out of getting married as I was getting my nails done for our wedding the very next day! Our world has such a distorted view of marriage, and unfortunately it has seeped into the Church a bit too. Others will imply that life is perfect after marriage and husbands are angels on earth. The truth is that marriage is hard work, but also a huge blessing. Be careful about what you let in. There are some who speak wisdom, but they are few and far between. Lots of women will talk about how things will be with your husband, but they aren’t married to him! You are! You are two unique people and will have a unique marriage. Read the Word and listen to godly counsel. Don’t listen to the rest.
3. Don’t try to do it all
Soon after we wed, I felt pressure to be a “perfect wife.” I felt like I needed to cook amazing meals every night, keep a spotless house and decorate my home in Southern Living style…all while working a full time job and being involved at church. Now, this certainly didn’t come from my husband; it came from my pride. I don’t care if you’re Martha Stewart, you can’t do it all! No one can. I learned this one the hard way. A squeaky clean kitchen and a home inspired by Pinterest doesn’t really matter. Your marriage does.
4. Find what works for you
There are lots of stereotypes for the roles of husband and wife, but you don’t have to conform to them. It’s ok if he loves to cook and you don’t! Find what works for you and your husband and don’t feel bad about it. The neat thing about marriage is that you have created your own separate unit. It’s a separate entity from the rest of your family. You don’t have to be like your mother, grandmother or mother-in-law. Just focus on being what you’re husband needs and not what everyone else expects you to be.
I am a firm believer that marriage is a beautiful gift from the Lord. He created it as a representation of Christ and His church. Everyday you have a opportunity to serve and love your husband as the church should serve and love Christ. It is an honor to have the chance to illustrate such a wondrous relationship. I certainly don’t know everything about marriage or being a good wife, but I do know that it’s a privilege to be on this journey. I wouldn’t trade it’s challenges for the world.
Connect with Jennifer on her blog or on Twitter.
