Tonight, I have much to say, and wonder how much of it is really my story to tell. After reading this tragically moving piece I identified with so strongly, I had a strong desire to wax philosophically about family, pain–inflicted on you and by you, regrets, boundaries, and forgiveness.
However, since I am very much still in the middle of my own story, I don't feel as though it is completely my story to tell. I'm finding more and more everyday, the internet is a wide and vast thing. People who know people I know read this blog, and I never know. Follow me? I've had a couple instances of that happening lately, finding out that someone reads my blog who knew a family member or friend of mine but didn't know me. It just became very clear to me that the internet is forever, and I want to be very sensitive about the information I put out there about my family members. (P.S.–I love you readers…don't be nervous or leave me!)
Let's just say that I hope and pray for a lot of healing in my family, and this trip to Charleston was a good (albeit lighthearted) first step. It was on neutral ground, with lots of activities, and not much time to dwell on past decisions and words. I was blessed by my father's willingness to help with my boys and it was truly wonderful to see him delighting in them in a way I never thought he would.
I think in relationships, we're all going at it blindly. Some of us are better equipped to be in deep and prolonged relationships that are inherent to healthy families. Some of us, however, are not. I don't know which I am, but a big part of us moving back to Indiana hinges on the fact that I need to learn how to bear with the burdens of our family members, forgiving them when needed, asking for forgiveness when needed, helping, and asking for help. Extending grace and asking for grace. I'm not sure which I'm worse at.
I had a really great time with my family in Charleston, SC…and for that small step, I am so grateful.
p.s.–This relational adventure was 10x more brave and emotional exhausting than any other adventure I've done thus far. If you jump into an adventure like this, be careful…get lots of rest and protect your heart and the hearts of those you love. :)