Quilt Background Image from the LOVELY Kara
Perfection. Its annoying when other people seem to possess it, but nice when it touches you. Imperfection…charming on others, but annoying in one's self. That's how I felt about my sewing challenges these past two weeks. They highlighted my impatience, my inability to concentrate for long periods of time, my tendency to complete things 90% of the way or with 90% accuracy, and to lose enthusiasm when things aren't going how I'd like.
Those things all proved true in my sewing endeavors. What does that say about me? Well, I do know one thing. I don't like seeing those qualities in myself. That must be why I don't do a whole lot of things I know I could fail at. I may look like someone who is not risk averse. BUT, I have taken risks in things I was confident in or otherwise thrust into. I chose to get married–and I was confident in our ability to succeed (what God has put together, let no man put asunder…). We chose to move 600 miles away from home–but we were confident in God's provision for us and in His timing. We were thrust into parenthood the first time…and I believe we are now raising two passionate and compassionate little boys. I love those bits of life I have created.
But, I don't often try things that are detail oriented (such as sewing clothing), or deadline based (although, I do like a project with an end in sight), or very expensive (let's face it…blogging doesn't bring in the big bucks!). Even my blog adventures are normally things I know I can do fairly well at.
What is this about me? What is it in me that hates to fail? It's not even failure, really…I hate to see the imperfection that is borne out of my humanity. And that, really, is a very ugly trait…but one I believe we all struggle with. We nag and call it out in our spouses, seeing their imperfection and being annoyed or offended by it. We see it in our children, often mirroring our own unique human imperfection. Why is it that your children will reveal your worst qualities to you? I bet God chuckles about that.
When we see that imperfection in ourselves, often times the temptation is to immediately bury whatever it was that revealed that trait in the first place. No one wants to be reminded of our ugliness or our inability. I know that I tend to stray from the things I know will cause me to fail. When I am caught off guard and do utterly fail–I tend to rationalize it, hide it, or vow to never do it again.
But, finishing something imperfectly is maybe even more annoying to me. It's not utter and complete failure…which begs to be dealt with immediately. It's something that just taunts…just reminds me that things aren't quite right. That this world is slightly askew. When someone else is imperfect, I hardly notice their imperfection…instead noticing all of their great qualities and all the work they have completed well. But, when I see it in my own self and my own work…it glares at me.
Do you deal with this same relationship with imperfection? How do you view failure? Success? Please, let me know in the comments. :) Have you had a defining moment in life in which you failed and realized life is still good? Are you a struggling perfectionist? I'd love to learn from you–or empathize with your viewpoint, if it's like mine.