Growing up with siblings reminds me of a potluck. Everyone brings something to the table and sometimes what they bring is delicious and then sometimes it doesn’t taste so great. The next dinner will be different and the same person who made something good last time might have done the opposite. Families are ever changing and most importantly, my family is not the same as yours. Each person has a radically different idea of what family even means. You can’t compare one to another, family and sibling dynamics just don’t work like that.
Some sisters are best friends and some don’t get along. What works for some, doesn’t work for all.
Moving out, moving away, or bad feelings can cause you to feel a lot of different things towards your brothers and sisters. Recently, when all my siblings moved out or moved away, I was overcome with a mix of emotions. It was great at first (sorry, guys!) but then I realized that these people that I lived with my entire life were no longer a part of my day-to-day. Time past and I was lucky if we talked once a week, let alone see each other. This freaked me out big time. I worried about what our relationship would be like in 20-years if we were already floating away from each other. Growing apart from anyone is rarely fun, so I tried to take the initiative to keep up some lines of communication and here’s the 4 things I learned:
1. Low maintenance is the best kind of maintenance
This is a standard for trying to keep fragile relationships growing. In our other post about growing a long distance friendship, we talk about the same thing. Not talking to not seeing each other often is okay. There is no shame is being happy to live seperate from your siblings. Space is a good thing. High expectations don’t usually lead to good results. Just because you see your neighbors brother is over for their weekly family dinner, doesn’t mean that’s what everyone is doing.
2. Group messages for the win
If you have one sibling, a standard old text will work the same way. Group messages aren’t just for you and your girlfriends. It is an easy way to tell everyone in one spot what is going on. It will encourage them to do the same. Whether you telling jokes, fighting, or figuring out what you are going to get your parents for Christmas, it’s a way to ask questions and communicate without too much work.
3. Siblings Night Out
Before you get the wrong idea, I am talking like one night a year. It can be hard enough to find time to go out with your best friends, let alone your crazy brothers and sisters. Like I said, expectations stink but planning a get together with your siblings once in a long while is a good idea. If it’s an awkward relationship, bring some others along or if it’s not then keep it just you guys!
4. Let it go
Maybe I am the only one, but I struggle with the idea of growing up and especially the idea that traditions and holidays won’t be exactly the same as they always were. One of my brothers just casually let me know that he was going to Mexico for Thanksgiving. I threw a fit and guessed how much it helped? Yep, it helped 0% and he is obviously still going. Part of inching your way into adulthood is realizing that with all the excitement of “adulthood” comes things that are hard to swallow. What is important to you, doesn’t have to be important to them. Let go of the ideas and expectations of how you thought things would look when you all got to this point and let your relationships take shape where it might work for everyone. You probably learned the practice of compromise and sharing for the first time around your siblings and now you’ll probably need it more than ever.
Hopefully you find this helpful if this is something you have been thinking about lately. Do you and your siblings have a good way of staying in touch after you all went your separate ways?! Share it below, because we would love to add it to our list.
