In a lot of ways, I feel like this sweet boy. He is exhausted but peaceful. He has his most precious things with him (his blankie and George). He is in a place of comfort (mom and dad's bed). He is vulnerable but safe.
In a lot of ways, this transition to three children has been exactly what I expected. Unpredictable.
In a lot of ways, this transition to three children has been so far from what I expected. I had been through 2 labors, but that didn't prepare me for Asher's. We'd had a baby in the NICU before, but that didn't prepare me for Asher being sick. I had welcomed two babies home, but that didn't prepare me for bringing home Baby #3. I had survived on little sleep before, but that didn't prepare me for functioning with two preschoolers during the day after a night of spotty sleep.
For the past three weeks while I've been away, I've been…
*watching the brothers bond. Praying like crazy for a lifelong, strong and loving bond.
*fighting for and forging a bond with Asher myself. I had to fight the feeling that I'd missed the "critical to bonding" first days of his life.
*realizing that while love is indeed multiplied, time and attention is still divided. Still working through the implications of that.
*noticing how having 3 kids in the house sometimes feels like having 5…and the smallest kid is still so tiny and quiet!
*feeling glad that we've whittled the baby gear down to our most loved necessities. no more weeding through 10 things til you find a blanket you know works for a swaddle at 2am.
*soaking up the newborn-ness knowing full well it will pass too quickly.
*pondering and wondering if Asher completes our family (my feeling as of now is yes…).
*pumping, pumping, pumping. storing up a freezer full of milk for future months.
*feeling a lot of familiar feelings from the postpartum time I'd forgotten in the couple years since we welcomed Cooper in Oct. 2008. thankfully, not feeling too blue or melancholy or anxious…so that's a huge blessing.
*dreaming a lot of dreams with Husband for "when the boys are bigger". these things may or may not include, family camping, a readymade family foursome for golf, vacations, etc.