Awkwardness is my least favorite thing. I fear it, actually. So naturally, I go to great lengths to avoid awkward situations. Sometimes I take it a little too far and skip out on things all together because I have this slightly irrational fear of things that might end up being an awkward situation. Anyways, you can imagine the lengths I went to (and still sometimes go to) to avoid the weirdness when I first met and am around my boyfriends parents. Meeting his parents really caused me some stress, anxiety, and worry. Because of this, we usually end up (I usually force the conversation) talking for a while about things I should know or what I should be clued in on before we see them. And since my relationship has been longer-term, it’s now pretty routine for me to be filled in before I see either of my boyfriends parents. It only took lots of years to develop that routine but HEY, who’s counting! So if you’re getting ready to meet your boyfriend’s parents for the first time and are feeling a little out of sorts about it, then I gotchyaaa! And the same thing goes for when the time comes that he’ll meet your parents, too. I just find myself usually a little more stressed out over things like this than the boyfriend. Shocking, I know. Here’s a list of the questions/things you should discuss before the grand ole’ meeting:
What do you think I will like about your parents?
What do you think your parents will like about me?
These two, in my opinion, are important. It will give you the first idea of the “vibes” on how you think the parents will react and what his expectations are. You know when you hear about someone, or see a picture of someone, and think the will act or talk in a certain way and then you meet them and it’s nothing like you expected? Discussing these questions will lower the chances of that happening, I think. It will become more clear to both you and your guy on what to expect.
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By subscribing, you agree to get emails from me, Matt Giovanisci. I'll respect your privacy and you can unsubscribe any time.What’s your family dynamic?
What’s one thing I should know about your parents view the world?
Some might reword these a little bit, but I think the questions above are ones that will give you answers to things that you should avoid talking about around his parents. It’s not a secret that everyone has touchy subjects and I do not think trying to avoid them your first time meeting them is a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be yourself or that you should just zip your lips but I think it’s about be conscious and about learning the process of getting to know new people. It’s also important, and probably assumed, that you should learn about how he grew up, divorces, remarriages, siblings, houses, jobs and the whole nine yards.
How can I care for you well and represent you well to your parents?
If we are being honest, there may be some things that you know that he doesn’t want you to know. Same goes for you if he was meeting your parents. This doesn’t have to mean something sneaky or bad. It could definitely be something along the lines of a new project he has been working on that you know allllll about because he is excited about it and shares it with you but has not told his mom yet because it means she will ask a ton of questions and he isn’t ready to answer them. People’s family dynamics and relationships with their families are so different from one another. Your meeting with his parents will most likely be drastically different from his meeting with your parents. Try your best not to compare the two critically.
Asking each other questions like these is a tactic that really can be used to get to know each other better. I recently bought this Big Book of Questions, and it’s a super fun way to get into some heartfelt, real, and crazy conversations. If you like a guy, I really really challenge you and encourage you to be excited about meeting his parents or whoever it is that had a hand in raising him. Chances are you’ll understand, uncover, and realize a lot of things about the person by doing so. Some lightbulbs will get turned on and I bet some dots will connect. Try your best to not get to the ultimate point of stressed out though, because if the relationship is going well and is meant to continue, things like this usually take care of themselves.