Oprah's quote is so apropos for this week's challenge. I felt like it was something so gutsy and so permanent that I didn't even believe I was doing it…as I was doing it. All day leading up to the appointment people would ask me if I was ready or excited–and to be honest, I didn't feel either. I felt nothing. It felt like the appointment was never really going to come to fruition and the tattoo wasn't really going to happen. But, I already had $50 down as a deposit so my husband made it well known to me that there was no turning back. :)
I feel like in so many ways I have always been in a hurry to grow up. When I was in high school I was dying to be in college. When I got to college and it became evident that husband and I were headed towards marriage, I started to plot that life and live with a foot in each camp. Soon after we got married we found ourselves on the fast-track to a corporate job and a baby on the way. Life was moving at such an accelerated pace, and each step required life-changing and permanent decisions. But, none of that fazed me. I felt completely secure and certain of the decisions I was making, because I was sure of my ability to face whatever came because of those decisions. I'm not a waffler. I make a decision and I stand with that decision, knowing that it was the best decision I could make at the time. I carefully weigh every option, but I also know at some point you just have to jump.
I still don't know what made me feel so emotional and uncertain after I got my tattoo. I think it's because I knew it was a mark on my body that I couldn't change. Even all of the decisions I have made in my life have ways to be altered. If marriage gets hard, you go to marriage counseling. If you don't love your job, you can find a new one. But, if you hate a tattoo…you get an expensive and painful procedure that leaves a large scar. Great solution. :)
It's been a few days since I got the tattoo done–and I'm happy to report that I'm loving it more and more everyday. It's healing and it's less shocking each time I look down. A friend of mine was so encouraging when I told her that I was shocked at what the shear permanency actually felt like. She told me that it's much like your wedding ring. At first you look down at it all the time, and you wonder about everything it means and how long forever actually is. But, after awhile, it just becomes a pretty reminder to yourself of a commitment that you made. She said eventually I'll get to the point of just seeing the tattoo as part of myself and a reminder of something that means so much to me. Cheers to that!
Guys, this has been the hardest challenge for me, thus far. I'm so glad I did it, but it wasn't without some wrestling. These feelings and working through some deep things is part of what I was hoping for in my adventures this year. I'm thrilled to be living a rich, daring, and adventuresome life.