Motherhood has been somewhat natural for me. Don’t hear me say that it’s easy for me, because it’s not. However, the fears I played in my head about motherhood have not materialized. I think my own mother is maybe even a bit surprised at how I’ve taken motherhood in stride. I thought the noise would drive me to tears (and it doesn’t most days). I thought I’d never want to hang out with my kids (and I really DO most days!). I thought hugging them wouldn’t come naturally (and it still does, even with my long limbed kindergartner).
You see, I am the oldest daughter of a 1980’s hardworking power couple. I hated babysitting and I never wanted to be a “stay at home mom”. I am not overly affectionate and I don’t like playing dolls or cars. I think my parents were hoping I’d have at-the-most two children…and here I am about to double that hope.
There are things I don’t have all together. Most things, really. Like tomorrow night? We have a parent teacher conference for Noah, and I’m scared that I’m going to get worse marks than Noah. You see, Noah is a smarty-pants…but I’m a terribly unorganized public school mother. I fail at returning papers, and library books, and signing homework calendars. I am a mess at the “doing” part. But, I’m really (surprisingly) good at the being part.
If you’re a mom, I’d guess you’re really good at the “being” part, too. I think the “being” part of motherhood comes when your child is born and grows over the years. It is the part of motherhood that enables you to see them as all the ages they’ve ever been (to borrow a line from Anne Lamott). It’s the part that bursts your heart and knits it together at the same time–this is the “being” paradox of motherhood.
So, maybe you’re good at the “doing” of being a mom. Maybe you get a gold star at filling out papers, and making nutritious lunches, and throwing amazing parties. I see you–I really, really see you. Keep doing an excellent job.
But, for you moms (me) who have a hard time keeping it all together. For you moms (me) that wish schools wouldn’t allow kindergartners to check out library books. For you moms who are more the “being” than “doing”, I see you, too. I really see you.