I come from the world’s tiniest family. My mother is an only child, my father has just one brother. My father’s brother has one daughter, my only first cousin. One cousin. Can you imagine?! You know those family reunion t-shirts that you find cast away at Goodwill? What’s the point of a family reunion when you have one cousin?
My brothers and I have often mourned not being part of a larger whole. There is joy in the loud and crazy and messy and tangled. There is also responsibility and care.
I may come from a small family, but we’re busy creating a larger one of our own. Can you believe the kinds of stories our kids will have? 4 boys! I know that no family dynamic is a guarantee, so I hold my hopes with open hands. But, it would be my hope that our kids have a loud and bustle-y and crazy encouraging family to touch base with as they go out on their adventures in the world. Tell me you’ve seen Parenthood? That’s kind of my dream.
There is another highly valuable kind of family to create in life, and that is a community of friends. I’ve been crazy blessed in my adult life to have made great friends. I cherish them and know that a group of friends also gives one grounding in our busy lives. These are the men and women that I trust to speak into my life and my children’s lives. I’ve known them for 10 years, and my husband has known them for much longer. Lifelong friends are rare, and if you have them you should recognize their precious worth.
After having moved a couple of times, being near family and being far, I have come to the conclusion that when you find community–you should savor it. It might be worth having a job of lower pay so you can stay in a particular city. It may mean driving a bit further to work because you’ve committed to doing life with your neighbors. It might mean going out of your way to forge connections that will stand the test of time.
But these things, these relationships, they are of the highest value. People. People who will laugh with you. People who will mourn with you. People who will cheer you on and support you and tell you your ideas aren’t crazy. These are the people who can see you at your worst and still choose to see the good in you. They are the people with whom to be vulnerable and exposed–because really, true intimacy is a rare commodity in these days of instant and constant connection.
So, find your people. Create your own place of belonging. If you don’t come from a large or tight-knit group–go ahead and piece one together. It will be hard, and it will be painful, and it just may be the loveliest thing you’ve ever experienced.