Loving Your Husband Well – No Time to Waste!
Thank you so much for asking my back to Tiny Twig. You know I adore you, but your blog and readers… To the moon! I love what your blog stands for, the adventures you embark upon and how you involve your readers. Thank you for being an inspiration. Now let’s talk a little hubby lovin’.
Confession time. When I was first married it was awful. Not horrible, but pretty bad. Inside, we both wondered if we had made a mistake. We were new believers at the time, so we did all that we knew to do as young Christians. Go to the church and ask for guidance. “HELP!,” we screamed. And help they did. We were told that we were normal. What? We had been married less than a year and were fighting like crazy (something we never did before we were married.) How could this be normal? And more importantly, how could Hollywood have it so wrong? All those movies about romance and princesses are lies that leave us ladies longing for more – wondering if we married the right one. It’s terrible. One of the worst lies I think we are being fed by the media. Anyway, I digress. Here’s a little about how we got back on track and learned to love one another well.
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A few weeks back I did a post on my blog about being a student of my boys. Remember when you were first dating your husband and you would watch him with that silly smirk and overall dazed look about you? You were studying him and falling in love. You were taking the TIME to learn about his likes and dislikes; what makes him tick; how he likes to be touched; and what types of things interest him. Noone told you to do this. You did it because you wanted to. Because you couldn’t think about anyone but him. Ahhh, young love. Question. Are you still doing all that stuff? If not, why did you stop doing that? Chances are, things got comfortable and life got busy. Take that time back. It’s important, strike that, crucial to your marriage.
Do you know his love languages? You might be asking what the heck “love languages” are and if so, read this book. The Five Love Languages. Even if you know your husband’s love languages, do you take the time to honor them or make them important to you? After reading this book, my husband and I quickly realized that we were clueless as to what the other person needed. We were giving one another what we wanted, not what our spouse needed. Ha, go figure… We were being selfish (to a degree.)
Since having two kiddos, life has gotten a little crazy. Trying to juggle life and a self-owned photography business is no small task. There is very little time, and right now… money, to be spent on dates. So, we have learned to get creative. We have recently done a lot more at home date nights. It’s something we’re both trying to be better about. And because time is limited, we serve together at church. We both love helping others and for a while, we did that separately. It was hard on us to be apart that much and not being there for one another. So now we serve in a marriage ministry together where or marriage is also held accountable while loving on others. It’s been a huge blessing. I think it’s so important to spend time together. If it’s not serving, maybe it’s working out together, doing puzzles together. I don’t know. Find what make you and your spouse energized and then do it – together. PS – movies are OUT unless you go somewhere afterwards and talk about it.
And because life can be so draining and your idea bucket can be easily tapped, make the effort to learn from others. Our community (those we share life with and know us deeply) are very in tune with us and our needs. They ask us hard questions, making sure we are loving one another well. They also can be great sources of inspiration and ideas. I have to tell ya, a LOT of my ideas come from our church or my dear friend Emily. Her blog is all about loving her husband well. They have a great marriage. Not one that comes easily (she’d be the first to tell you that) but one that takes great effort and is cared for as such. Her blog is a wealth of ideas and inspiration. I love it. It keeps me accountable in so many ways. {www.todaysletters.com}
Please don’t misunderstand me. My marriage is FAR from perfect. But I do realize now that my husband is second only to God. I should treat him that way, rather than fifth or tenth. I challenge myself to think the best of him, try to remember to date him, try hard to keep laughter in our relationship and pray for him as often as possible. One of the best things I have recently learned is that we are young and our likes change as we grow. This is exciting to me. It means that there is more to uncover and more to love with every new day! If your marriage is at a one – please know there is help out there. Don’t waste another day; seek the help that is available to you – church, friends, online tools. Whatever works best for the two of you. If your marriage is at a seven and you want to eat steak rather than meatloaf – pour into your marriage like you did in the beginning. My biggest tip that I can give is take your focus off of yourself and put it on your spouse. This is totally counter-cultural, but it’s so worth it!
Thanks so much for having me TT. Much love to you and your wonderful hubby! xo